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I’ve come to the conclusion that Social media is like alcohol.

When Alcohol is consumed in small amounts and in moderation it’s ultimately not harmful. But consumed in large amounts it will destroy your life.

Social media feeds the egotistic, hurts the lonely, and breeds mass insecurity. The news is proclaimed, propagated and maintained by fear-mongers and guerrilla advertisers.

Money isn’t everything. Success is subjective. We all come from the same place, yet we judge and hurt others because we’re lost. And yet everyone puts on their happy face, because If someone talks about how hard of a time they are having in this part of their life; most people ignore it.

When you judge a person by the quality of their content you are validating their reasons to continue down a path where they will hurt themselves and others.

Addiction to both “substances” is real, every like is a hit a dopamine that makes us feel good about ourselves, every streak shows that we are superior and screams “I’m worthy!” – and then further used to validate and justify that next post. That if it doesn’t do as well we self-flagellate about how bad we are. How no one likes us, how we should have known better.

Ultimately both “Substances” Causes Depression, social isolation, and anxiety, and both have caused people to seek suicide.

Neither is a solution to a problem that is propagated as expected and normal and pressured on you externally.

The next time you find yourself sad, lonely and depressed put the phone down, walk away from your computer and find someone to interact with. As much as you may want to curl up on your bed and cry, that is the last thing you should do.

There are real people who care and love you. Don’t shove them away because you’re not getting validation from pixels on a screen.



What a way to end a week

Dropping my son off to school this morning, I was given a view of fairly large woman who was wearing stretch pants that were clearly too small for her  body… as they  there stretched thin enough that you could see the G-string that she was wearing. I wonder if she has any idea what she’s doing walking into a High School dressed like this.


Dear Asshole with the MASSIVE compensation SUV in the Parking lot. That space you just pulled into and then back out of whilst scraping the cars on both sides, was marked “Compact”. You got out of your compensation vehicle, looked at the damage that you caused on your own Compensation device in a manner that would suggest that you were somehow wronged by someone else. Like someone besides yourself did this to you.  You’re a bad person, when you tried to drive away and I “Accidentally blocked you in” it was so I could memorize your license plate. I reported you to security; I hope you get sued by the owners of those vehicles that you carelessly damaged.  Screw you, and your self-righteous attitude.


Johnnie: Oh good you’re here! 6 people didn’t come in today

Me: *Exhale* Shit. I’m going home.

Ritz: Back to your desk ginger!

Me: Hey now! You’re no ginger you can’t call me that, that shit is racist.

Ritz: You all look like white devils to me.

Jeffery: So wait, I have a question, do you like collect souls? Do you and Karla have this pool that you share between the two of you?

Me:  You got it all wrong, we consume them, and without them we would die.


And then, I ran across this.

And it brought me to tears.

I went to go walk it off when…. I saw a lady in her pajamas. She was an employee. Listen, just because you can do this, It doesn’t mean that you should. You’re not in High school anymore, You’re probably pushing 40. Come now, you work at a professional company, act like it at least while you’re at work. (Says the hypocrite) At least, I don’t show up to work in my PJ’s. I know that I’m an “Unwashed heathen”, but damn it! I’m an unwashed heathen with standards.



And all of this.. was before 10:00 am…

You should be ashamed.

Yet another post that came from Reddit from a Utah Mormon, I started to put it on Facebook, and then got really long. Ergo.. blog time.

Mormons Regale themselves as the pinnacle of purity. The only “True” Church. They are taught to respect your elders and the laws of the land. Missionaries, are often looked up to, and respected for giving their life for 18-24 months to the church. They are also the biggest public facing side of the church. You’d expect them to hold themselves to church standard. However, this kind of thing seems to be very common.



These are a pair of missionaries dancing.. on the 9/11 memorial wall. This, as far as I’m concerned dancing on the grave of the dead. If you were to do this on Church grounds you’d get kicked out. I’d call this offensive, but I think disgusting is a much better adjective.  Disgusting because they should know better, and because it further illustrates the illusion that they live in. They are the “only true church be damned with the rest of you.” They frequently behave as being above reproach.

Missionaries, are children, 18-year-old children. who have not yet lived their life, and have not yet made their own decisions. Brainwashed into believing what they think is “the only true church.” Many of them live very sheltered lives with very sheltered upbringing, then released into the wild to “serve god”. Not surprisingly they often find themselves in trouble. The sad part is I am not surprised to find so many of them acting like immature little shit-heads. An 8-year old child is supposed to know the difference between right and wrong when they are baptized. But theses two “adults”, and the mother, who posted them to Facebook, obviously don’t.

I’ve been called, a Satanist, and a baby eater, this I can handle. But as much as I see crap like this, I almost feel pity for those who are true believers. Because they’ll see this as amusing, rather than embarrassment that it is

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They were wrong

For anyone. who has a child who is being bullied, or was bullied themselves. This is for you.

Reflection of thoughts.

10 years ago I did a write up of things I’ve learned in my first quarter century of life. Today I’m finding myself doing the same self reflection. I’ve had a few things occur to me.


I’ve moved 13 times in last 10 years, 6 of those moves occurred during the years of 2002-2005. In 2010, I moved out of Utah and into Oregon, and I’m on my second move in Oregon. My wife wants to move again in a few years. Looking back, since I turned 18, I’ve moved 26 times, and spent about a year pretty much homeless. I spent a while sleeping in parks or in my car because I had nowhere to go. When I signed a year lease back in 2003 I just about went into a panic attack. 26 moves in 17 years, that’s absurd; it’s no wonder that I’d rather not move again for a very long time.


In 2004 worked for a Video game company, Turbine Inc. Which that is an experience I would never trade. I look back at it now and I See that my passion for what I was doing combined with Domestic issues with my ex wife and my kids made me blind, emotional, and a bit unstable and sometimes I reacted rather… childishly at times. A part of me wishes I could correct those mistakes. At times I long for the work that I did then; it was sometimes long hours but I loved what I did, so I didn’t mind doing it. That was cut short because of Life expectancy given to my son, which when he got to that point and he pulled through it and I was relieved. We thought he was gone.


Between the years of 2003-2006 I ended up burning a LOT of bridges, none of them intentional. There are some of those friendships I was sad to lose, others I’m okay with being gone. A few I’ve tried to revitalize, and often I was met with very spiteful hateful words. Some of those hurt when it turned out that way. Other previous friendships, I’m not even willing to breech. I find that I have completely apathy to 95% of the people I went to school with. Recently I’ve discovered that some people that I thought were my friends and I respected, are not as open minded as I thought, it’s made me very sad. It’s only a matter of time before that bridge erodes and fades. I’ll be sad to lose those people.


In 2007 it was discovered that I had Testicular cancer. I found that the insurance I thought I had I didn’t. They had the open enrollment and changed the plans. I was told that if I did nothing my electives stayed the same, I Would be moved to the equivalent health plan; It turned out however, to be not true. I found that it would have cost us about $40k. According to the IRS a “Life changing event” would enable you to change your insurance without it being open enrollment. Ruth and I had both been fresh out of our previous divorces for just over a year at that point, but without a “life changing event” There’s no way we could afford the proper health care. Ruth and I got married so I could change my insurance so it wouldn’t completely kill us financially. We didn’t tell anyone for more than a year. The only people that knew were two of my best friends, because they were our witnesses. When people found out, the number of family members who said “well aren’t you one for secrets, you used to tell me everything.” was astounding. We were both perplexed, neither of us told anyone anything, what we did tell people was barely a skim of the actual truth. The audacity of it made us both roll our eyes at how well people thought they knew us. I managed to escape cancer with no chemo because it didn’t appear necessary. My Oncologist was not happy about this, but relented anyway. In the end, it wasn’t necessary. I’m grateful for that.


I changed jobs in 2008 to another one which I Was going on 14 months of employment just to get laid off 2 weeks before Christmas after 3 months of unemployment; I got the offer from the job I’m currently in. About a year in we got the option to move from Utah to Oregon. One of the best moves I’ve ever done for myself and my family. A lot of people thought we were moving here to “save our marriage” That was not the way of it. There was for a myriad of other reasons, including getting out of Utah.


September of last year I bought my first house. There’s something to be said about working on my own property that I own. Mowing the lawn and doing yard work is much more satisfying.



April 9th 2007, my cancer was removed. April 9th 2012 I got a Mario 1-up Tattoo, it’s about the size of a golf ball on my forearm.  it’s a reminder that 1) I survived cancer, lots of people don’t 2) Having survived cancer without chemo is a reminder that I got super lucky, and 3)it’s like getting an extra life, and to not waste it.


Now, here we are, June of 2012. I’ve Survived through several near death experiences, several cross country drives, Cancer, and the rapture. (*whew*) And people discovered more Mayan Calendars that extend beyond 2012. SO those believers who didn’t want to understand that the rocks are wrong, and the last baktun ended in the 70’s can calm down and stop panicking, I expect people will find something else to be afraid of.


Looking forward the rest of my life I can’t help but wonder what will happen. I have realized that life is precious and we don’t spend enough time with our loved ones. To realize that when they are gone it’s over, it makes that time far more precious than anything else. The only things you have left are your memories.


Unfortunately society as a whole is so scared, we are so afraid of there being nothing after death that we plead for there for there to be salvation of this life, which it has sent people in a panic that has lasted 10,000+ years. We need to stop pretending that we’re part of a higher, more divine purpose, that we’ll be rewarded with eternal bliss. I look and see that life is far more precious than we allow it to be. For our hands and bodies to be composed of the stars of the universe would be to some be considered a miracle. I consider it to be awesome, human life is so fragile and short in terms of the age of this world.


We are the only species in the world that became aware of its existence. We are the first to contemplate the nature of reality. We stand alone in understanding the concept of a better world and we have the only minds that can make dreams possible. We have proven time and again that when we put our efforts together we have the power to achieve greatness. Our unprecedented sense of love and compassion has moved us to found societies and freedom and justice and we have manifested our wisdom and ingenuity in great wonders throughout the world.


Only when we accept that we’re not going to live forever will we be able to truly appreciate the short spark of our existence and live our lives fulfilled. Only when we come to terms with our true nature will we be able to divert from our brute heritage and create a society where we can share the world together. Only when we base our knowledge on facts and evidence will we be able to connect with the true wonder of the universe and celebrate the miracle of life. And only when we realize that we are the authors of our own future will we be ready to leap out from our current ideals and break the locks that we’ve tied ourselves too that we will  be able to expand ourselves to become a part of a new civilization.


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There’s this social stigma against people with Tattoo’s in Utah. As we’re required to go to Utah once a year for visitation issues, it’s clearly obvious. You drive down the interstate, and there’s a large number of billboards of people with bags over their heads with full sleeves done. with the tag line of “Ashamed? We can remove it for you!” This kind of advertising really got under my skin, I think that they are playing with people’s emotions. I know that’s how a lot of advertising works, but people need to come to a lot of decision on their own, and not have the media, or businesses, or even religion influence them into what is right for them.  Utah is a hot bed for religious confrontation. People look at you funny, if you look “Non ordinary” and often times they will treat you worse for it.

I decided a long time ago that if I’m going to get a Tattoo it’s going to be something of significant meaning. That in 5 years 10 years 20 years is still going to hold a significant meaning. (Pop Culture references, etc, aren’t going to be on my body.)


Yesterday. April 9th was a special day for me. It’s my 5 year mark for being cancer free.


I got this tattoo.


I won’t lie it hurt, and honestly, it put my body into shock and I nearly passed out. it’s not fun, I would recommend against passing out. After my episode the artist informed me that there’s a fair number of people who do, especially on the first one. He said it was funny to see really big guys who already have several tattoo’s come in, and get a small one and 10 minutes into it they’re passing out.  That made me feel better, at least I know it’s not me.  He finished up and I didn’t have any more problems. Gave me aftercare instructions and we went on out merry way.

As the kids filter home from school they all ask me what the bandage is for and if I hurt myself? I told them that I was fine and I’d show them what was under the bandage later.

When I took it off, cleaned it up and showed the kids. All of them went “oh cool, a Mario 1up”  Very nondescript reactions,  and they carried on. I rather expected this reaction, as the kids love the fake stick on tattoo’s.

Later that evening when I was cleaning it and putting lotion on it so it can heal properly  when my daughter walks in. She’s an extremely smart little girl. After a couple of minutes she asked me why putting soap on it didn’t wash it off.

“Because it’s never going to come off.”

She got that look in her face the She looked visibly confused. “Why?” she asked rather incredulously.

“Because it’s Real, it’s ink, It’s permanent”

Again you could see the wheels turning in her head.

“Well… how did you get it on then?” she asked

“Needles, covered in ink and jabbed in me thousands of times.”

Now she just looked shocked, her eyes went absolutely massive. She probably in her head saw some doctor with a multi-colored Mohawk with a fistful of  massive needles manically stabbing me cackling like an insane maniac.

I did nothing to stop that image, I may correct it later.

I had some religious guy show up at my door over the weekend. The guy was peddling his beliefs and kept pushing after I initially declined. I asked him who he represented, and he said that he represented some local fellowship.

I had clarify.

“No I mean, what secular belief” He looked rather confused at the word for a moment, then it’s like someone was whispering in his ear and he got a look of understanding.

“Oh, I’m a Jehovah witness” Very Proud of who he was.

“Shouldn’t you be in the Airport handing out flowers?”

I know that JW’s don’t do this, those are Hare Krishnas, but the point of asking the question was to see if he knew who he was. The guy was obviously taken aback, he stammered a bit.

“I.. I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” was his reply.

I Expanded. “JW’s are you the people in the airport handing out flowers”

“I… don’t think so.” was his reply

“Well then, maybe you should learn what your religion is before you peddle it to others.”

The guy got another stunned look on his face, obviously unsure of what to think. He didn’t even say anything he just kind of turned and walked away looking like he’d be smacked in the face with pie.

This is my second encounter with a JW. My first was when I Was 15. I was just out of school and into the summer. My parents are LDS and I was attending a Mormon Seminary school. We’d just finished old testament this last year, so it was very fresh in my head. She had two children with her. She wanted to argue how the Mormon belief was wrong with me, how it made all kinds of claims. I rebutted her politely and when she started making claims that was in her book, I asked to see her book to prove it, she handed it to me. When I pointed out the passage, She then proceeded to rip the page out of her bible and state that it “was not in her book any longer” and stomped away with her children. What an example for the kids.. really….

Please don’t mistake me, I mean no disrespect for other peoples religions.But If people are going to go Door to Door, knocking recruiting for their belief, they should have an idea of what they belief and who they are. I ask VERY hard questions if you come to my door. Don’t do it haphazardly.