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This evening I’m meeting some friends for dinner. As

I’m walking past three people sitting at an outdoor table I overhear the start as a conversation. as I approach, the lady who is facing me leans over the table and points at the one across from her, and begins in a voice that would indicate that she’s retelling a story….
” You and I were power rangers, and the swings teleported us to another dimension where we started fighting…”
About half way through her sentence I had walked past them and I came to a stop totally Interested in where this was going. It was at this point the one of the people who was listening to the story is staring at me and points. The story teller turns around and looks at me somewhat concerned
My brain, being the brain it is Responded with.
“#nocontext. but awesome! Sounds like a dream I had once.”
The story teller pointer a finger at me and said “hey buddy… This was real life!”
“Your child hood was way more exciting than mine!”

I’ve come to the conclusion that Social media is like alcohol.

When Alcohol is consumed in small amounts and in moderation it’s ultimately not harmful. But consumed in large amounts it will destroy your life.

Social media feeds the egotistic, hurts the lonely, and breeds mass insecurity. The news is proclaimed, propagated and maintained by fear-mongers and guerrilla advertisers.

Money isn’t everything. Success is subjective. We all come from the same place, yet we judge and hurt others because we’re lost. And yet everyone puts on their happy face, because If someone talks about how hard of a time they are having in this part of their life; most people ignore it.

When you judge a person by the quality of their content you are validating their reasons to continue down a path where they will hurt themselves and others.

Addiction to both “substances” is real, every like is a hit a dopamine that makes us feel good about ourselves, every streak shows that we are superior and screams “I’m worthy!” – and then further used to validate and justify that next post. That if it doesn’t do as well we self-flagellate about how bad we are. How no one likes us, how we should have known better.

Ultimately both “Substances” Causes Depression, social isolation, and anxiety, and both have caused people to seek suicide.

Neither is a solution to a problem that is propagated as expected and normal and pressured on you externally.

The next time you find yourself sad, lonely and depressed put the phone down, walk away from your computer and find someone to interact with. As much as you may want to curl up on your bed and cry, that is the last thing you should do.

There are real people who care and love you. Don’t shove them away because you’re not getting validation from pixels on a screen.


What a way to end a week

Dropping my son off to school this morning, I was given a view of fairly large woman who was wearing stretch pants that were clearly too small for her  body… as they  there stretched thin enough that you could see the G-string that she was wearing. I wonder if she has any idea what she’s doing walking into a High School dressed like this.


Dear Asshole with the MASSIVE compensation SUV in the Parking lot. That space you just pulled into and then back out of whilst scraping the cars on both sides, was marked “Compact”. You got out of your compensation vehicle, looked at the damage that you caused on your own Compensation device in a manner that would suggest that you were somehow wronged by someone else. Like someone besides yourself did this to you.  You’re a bad person, when you tried to drive away and I “Accidentally blocked you in” it was so I could memorize your license plate. I reported you to security; I hope you get sued by the owners of those vehicles that you carelessly damaged.  Screw you, and your self-righteous attitude.


Johnnie: Oh good you’re here! 6 people didn’t come in today

Me: *Exhale* Shit. I’m going home.

Ritz: Back to your desk ginger!

Me: Hey now! You’re no ginger you can’t call me that, that shit is racist.

Ritz: You all look like white devils to me.

Jeffery: So wait, I have a question, do you like collect souls? Do you and Karla have this pool that you share between the two of you?

Me:  You got it all wrong, we consume them, and without them we would die.


And then, I ran across this.

And it brought me to tears.

I went to go walk it off when…. I saw a lady in her pajamas. She was an employee. Listen, just because you can do this, It doesn’t mean that you should. You’re not in High school anymore, You’re probably pushing 40. Come now, you work at a professional company, act like it at least while you’re at work. (Says the hypocrite) At least, I don’t show up to work in my PJ’s. I know that I’m an “Unwashed heathen”, but damn it! I’m an unwashed heathen with standards.



And all of this.. was before 10:00 am…

You should be ashamed.

Yet another post that came from Reddit from a Utah Mormon, I started to put it on Facebook, and then got really long. Ergo.. blog time.

Mormons Regale themselves as the pinnacle of purity. The only “True” Church. They are taught to respect your elders and the laws of the land. Missionaries, are often looked up to, and respected for giving their life for 18-24 months to the church. They are also the biggest public facing side of the church. You’d expect them to hold themselves to church standard. However, this kind of thing seems to be very common.



These are a pair of missionaries dancing.. on the 9/11 memorial wall. This, as far as I’m concerned dancing on the grave of the dead. If you were to do this on Church grounds you’d get kicked out. I’d call this offensive, but I think disgusting is a much better adjective.  Disgusting because they should know better, and because it further illustrates the illusion that they live in. They are the “only true church be damned with the rest of you.” They frequently behave as being above reproach.

Missionaries, are children, 18-year-old children. who have not yet lived their life, and have not yet made their own decisions. Brainwashed into believing what they think is “the only true church.” Many of them live very sheltered lives with very sheltered upbringing, then released into the wild to “serve god”. Not surprisingly they often find themselves in trouble. The sad part is I am not surprised to find so many of them acting like immature little shit-heads. An 8-year old child is supposed to know the difference between right and wrong when they are baptized. But theses two “adults”, and the mother, who posted them to Facebook, obviously don’t.

I’ve been called, a Satanist, and a baby eater, this I can handle. But as much as I see crap like this, I almost feel pity for those who are true believers. Because they’ll see this as amusing, rather than embarrassment that it is

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They were wrong

For anyone. who has a child who is being bullied, or was bullied themselves. This is for you.

My 9-year-old daughter opened the door when they knocked, saw the missionaries and instantly yelled for My wife. She went to the door, they announced who they were, and asked if they could come in. My wife informed them that she knew who they were and that we aren’t interested. One elder persisted, and stated that he could “help”. My wife informed them that we were formerly members and we are not any longer. The elders looked at each other in disbelief. The one asked as to why.

My wife explained in her open-handed way (and a lot nicer than I would have been) why, as she has her own list. Such as Jsmith taking 22 wives, some of them were only 14 years old, others who already had husbands who were still alive. She went into the inconsistencies of Church history, how there is a 4-year difference between when the first vision supposed to have happened and it really did happen according to what we are told all culminating in the established timeline making no sense. How if you read the “suggested reading” it makes sense, but if you read the whole thing and not just the suggested, the timeline is completely wrong.

She covered about 10 other subjects, as she covered each topic they took on a whiter level of pale. At some point, one elder tried to bring me into the conversation. “I’m not saying a word, you’re going to listen to her.” They then interrupted her and thanked her for her time walked away. She shut the door and said “Hmm I wonder if they are questioning themselves now. They probably didn’t like that you humanized me.”

This was last Tuesday. Friday evening, we got this in the mail from the local bishop.

My wife saw who it was from and stated “I must have scared the crap out of them, that’s a fast response and by snail mail. He’s too scared to come to the door no doubt”

He left me his personal phone number and address, I’m tempted to call him to tell him to remove me and my wife, from church records. The other part of me says that my parents sent the Missionaries when they found out that my sister who lives in my area is not LDS. They think that I’m “inactive” but still, believe and worry that my sister’s influence on me will make me leave. Little do they fully realize that I never bought into it. I was skipping out of the church from the age of 10, I didn’t want anything to do with it. As I got older, much to the persistence of my father I tried to believe, I did everything, absolutely everything I needed to do. The Moronic challenge, and went through the temple (which by and large is extremely cultic, it makes Pagan and Wiccan Rituals look like it was done by an amateur.) and I held a calling etc…  The longer I was involved the more depressed and unhappy I was.

My sister, I don’t think knew of  the extent of my distaste for religion as a whole until she brought it up to me and asked my opinion, I didn’t push my belief, or lack thereof on her, I answered her questions and allowed her to think through it and come to her own answers. However, when she “came out” to my parents they blamed me.  Frankly, I’m offended for my sister’s sake, I honestly feel like they didn’t think that she was smart enough to come to these conclusions on her own, that I had to brainwash her to get her to think for herself. What kind of parent does that?

Here’s what’s bothering me most of all about the whole thing. They knew who we were before they showed up. Which means this wasn’t accidental, they were intentionally sent to my door. People have the best of intentions, but they go about it the wrong way, I highly suspect that I know who it is, and frankly I’m a little put-off.

Reflection of thoughts.

10 years ago I did a write up of things I’ve learned in my first quarter century of life. Today I’m finding myself doing the same self reflection. I’ve had a few things occur to me.


I’ve moved 13 times in last 10 years, 6 of those moves occurred during the years of 2002-2005. In 2010, I moved out of Utah and into Oregon, and I’m on my second move in Oregon. My wife wants to move again in a few years. Looking back, since I turned 18, I’ve moved 26 times, and spent about a year pretty much homeless. I spent a while sleeping in parks or in my car because I had nowhere to go. When I signed a year lease back in 2003 I just about went into a panic attack. 26 moves in 17 years, that’s absurd; it’s no wonder that I’d rather not move again for a very long time.


In 2004 worked for a Video game company, Turbine Inc. Which that is an experience I would never trade. I look back at it now and I See that my passion for what I was doing combined with Domestic issues with my ex wife and my kids made me blind, emotional, and a bit unstable and sometimes I reacted rather… childishly at times. A part of me wishes I could correct those mistakes. At times I long for the work that I did then; it was sometimes long hours but I loved what I did, so I didn’t mind doing it. That was cut short because of Life expectancy given to my son, which when he got to that point and he pulled through it and I was relieved. We thought he was gone.


Between the years of 2003-2006 I ended up burning a LOT of bridges, none of them intentional. There are some of those friendships I was sad to lose, others I’m okay with being gone. A few I’ve tried to revitalize, and often I was met with very spiteful hateful words. Some of those hurt when it turned out that way. Other previous friendships, I’m not even willing to breech. I find that I have completely apathy to 95% of the people I went to school with. Recently I’ve discovered that some people that I thought were my friends and I respected, are not as open minded as I thought, it’s made me very sad. It’s only a matter of time before that bridge erodes and fades. I’ll be sad to lose those people.


In 2007 it was discovered that I had Testicular cancer. I found that the insurance I thought I had I didn’t. They had the open enrollment and changed the plans. I was told that if I did nothing my electives stayed the same, I Would be moved to the equivalent health plan; It turned out however, to be not true. I found that it would have cost us about $40k. According to the IRS a “Life changing event” would enable you to change your insurance without it being open enrollment. Ruth and I had both been fresh out of our previous divorces for just over a year at that point, but without a “life changing event” There’s no way we could afford the proper health care. Ruth and I got married so I could change my insurance so it wouldn’t completely kill us financially. We didn’t tell anyone for more than a year. The only people that knew were two of my best friends, because they were our witnesses. When people found out, the number of family members who said “well aren’t you one for secrets, you used to tell me everything.” was astounding. We were both perplexed, neither of us told anyone anything, what we did tell people was barely a skim of the actual truth. The audacity of it made us both roll our eyes at how well people thought they knew us. I managed to escape cancer with no chemo because it didn’t appear necessary. My Oncologist was not happy about this, but relented anyway. In the end, it wasn’t necessary. I’m grateful for that.


I changed jobs in 2008 to another one which I Was going on 14 months of employment just to get laid off 2 weeks before Christmas after 3 months of unemployment; I got the offer from the job I’m currently in. About a year in we got the option to move from Utah to Oregon. One of the best moves I’ve ever done for myself and my family. A lot of people thought we were moving here to “save our marriage” That was not the way of it. There was for a myriad of other reasons, including getting out of Utah.


September of last year I bought my first house. There’s something to be said about working on my own property that I own. Mowing the lawn and doing yard work is much more satisfying.



April 9th 2007, my cancer was removed. April 9th 2012 I got a Mario 1-up Tattoo, it’s about the size of a golf ball on my forearm.  it’s a reminder that 1) I survived cancer, lots of people don’t 2) Having survived cancer without chemo is a reminder that I got super lucky, and 3)it’s like getting an extra life, and to not waste it.


Now, here we are, June of 2012. I’ve Survived through several near death experiences, several cross country drives, Cancer, and the rapture. (*whew*) And people discovered more Mayan Calendars that extend beyond 2012. SO those believers who didn’t want to understand that the rocks are wrong, and the last baktun ended in the 70’s can calm down and stop panicking, I expect people will find something else to be afraid of.


Looking forward the rest of my life I can’t help but wonder what will happen. I have realized that life is precious and we don’t spend enough time with our loved ones. To realize that when they are gone it’s over, it makes that time far more precious than anything else. The only things you have left are your memories.


Unfortunately society as a whole is so scared, we are so afraid of there being nothing after death that we plead for there for there to be salvation of this life, which it has sent people in a panic that has lasted 10,000+ years. We need to stop pretending that we’re part of a higher, more divine purpose, that we’ll be rewarded with eternal bliss. I look and see that life is far more precious than we allow it to be. For our hands and bodies to be composed of the stars of the universe would be to some be considered a miracle. I consider it to be awesome, human life is so fragile and short in terms of the age of this world.


We are the only species in the world that became aware of its existence. We are the first to contemplate the nature of reality. We stand alone in understanding the concept of a better world and we have the only minds that can make dreams possible. We have proven time and again that when we put our efforts together we have the power to achieve greatness. Our unprecedented sense of love and compassion has moved us to found societies and freedom and justice and we have manifested our wisdom and ingenuity in great wonders throughout the world.


Only when we accept that we’re not going to live forever will we be able to truly appreciate the short spark of our existence and live our lives fulfilled. Only when we come to terms with our true nature will we be able to divert from our brute heritage and create a society where we can share the world together. Only when we base our knowledge on facts and evidence will we be able to connect with the true wonder of the universe and celebrate the miracle of life. And only when we realize that we are the authors of our own future will we be ready to leap out from our current ideals and break the locks that we’ve tied ourselves too that we will  be able to expand ourselves to become a part of a new civilization.


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